Firing Line
Alby, Get Help
By Ellis G. Cannon
Publisher, Pittsburgh Sports Report
ESPN Radio 1250 Talk Show Host

Later in these pages, my pal Alby Oxenreiter offers a disconcerting view on the NFL Draft. It can only be explained as critical of those who make it their passion - by choice - to intensely follow every moment of draft day.

Having heard of Mr. Ox-on-Fox's position through the office grapevine, allow me to counter. I have diagnosed Mr. Ox as a sick man who should be embraced - because help is available. I'm Ox's medicine man.

We all know Alby wants to find help. Finally, he can relax. He needs to know he will have to work hard to find peace.

First he has to admit that he's woefully behind in his recovery. He doesn't even know he has a problem. While this issue of PSR once again features some of the finest draft coverage you'll find anywhere, this is only the start. Clearly, Alby needs to begin by memorizing pages nine through 19.

That's only the beginning of rehab.

An act of contrition is essential. He's on TV, so he must be a smart guy. Smart guys know how to stylishly ask for forgiveness without groveling. But he has to understand "I'm sorry" means he won't speak ill of the draft again.

The problem with The Fox Man's recovery is the amount of catching up he has to do. Frankly, he's hopeless for this year's draft. It's already April and all of us normal, healthy draft men know real preparation started at least a year ago. Oxie is better served by getting ready for next year's draft, if not Ô06.

Second, he has a venue problem. Next time you see Mr. Friendly, ask him where he watches the draft. It's a simple enough question and you'll find him most personable.

As a draftnik - and congrats if you've reached such status - there are only two options for real draft coverage. I've done both. The first is to go iso and barricade yourself in a windowless room with enough food and drink to get you through Friday night's final mock drafts to the extensive post-coverage Sunday late. Only mandatory bathroom breaks. Forget changing clothes, showers, brushing teeth or any personal hygiene. No contact with the outside world - only reams of notebooks. No application for such matters if you're trying to get healthy, Albster.

For that matter, don't answer the phone unless it's draft related. Order caller I.D. immediately. Answering the door for fast food delivery isn't an option either. If you make a commitment, pal, go all the way. Have your wife, children, girlfriend, mistress , dog - whomever - handle such menial tasks. You have a job to do.

To create the proper cave-like atmosphere, you'll need at least two televisions and as many pre-draft pubs as you can find, although those will be largely obsolete once you have your stack of PSR's in front of you.

There is another option, but it's too late to pull off now. That, of course, is reserving several hotel rooms and a conference room for the weekend. Such festivities are much more involved than you might imagine. Guest lists, reservations, food orders...these take away from your prep time.

One last thing. The draft doesn't start until Sunday. The first day is for amateurs. Forget the first day. Anyone can do that. If Day 1 is a beatnik, Day 2 is General Patton. Get it, tough guy?

Read, eat, party, stay awake, go into isolation, don't wash...and watch - watch all of it. Don't be afraid to inhale. Take it all in.

Don't cheat us, Alb. We'll be watching you Sunday night. If you haven't come correct, we'll know.

"Ellis Cannon's Sportsline Pittsburgh " airs weeknights, 6-8 p.m. on FM NewsTalk 104.7. Ellis is also a regular contributor on the "#1 Cochran Sports Showdown," aired Sundays at 11:35 on KDKA-TV.