Unreality of Sports
It Doesn't Matter
By Rob Rossi

This month’s dip into the Unreality proved the toughest yet.

First how-could even the most skilled of writers let alone yours truly possibly concentrate on anything with a “One Day at a Time” reunion filling the TV with images of a young Valerie Bertinelli? This kids, is why one doesn't wait until the night-before-deadline to sketch out a column.

Second, and probably more pressing, how does a hockey fan go about making any sense of the cancellation of an entire NHL season due to a middle ground that doesn't exist between can’t-help-themselves owners, greedy players and two power figures who get along only slightly better than President Bush and that French flak who shall remain nameless?

The answer, surprisingly, is found in the "One Day at a Time" theme song.
  This is it! (This is it!)
  This is the life, the one you get, so go and have a ball.
  This is it! (This is it!).
  Straight ahead and:, rest assured you can’t be sure at all.

Well, you can be sure of one thing: The NHL is dead. And after careful consideration – more than the "garbage league" ((c)Maria Lemieux) deserves – the Unreality has decided to celebrate this loss.

What else can we do?

A lot of people love hockey, but the NHL isn’t about hockey anymore. The NHL is about trying to prove something that can’t be proven – that the league and its players matter anywhere but in their own (key word coming next) little world.

Hey yo: This league doesn’t matter!

If this league mattered, this city would have started construction on a new multi-purpose arena by now.

If this league mattered, ESPN would have forced the hands of NHLPA head heretic Boob Goodenever and NHL com-munist Gary Bettonexpansionandruin-thegamedoingsomen and made sure that it was getting its money’s worth of hi-def hockey games during these winter months. Instead, ESPN is happy to re-run airings of PBA events and "3.”

At least those shows have conclusions.

If this league mattered, Wayne Gretzky wouldn't have waited until after its season was canceled to get involved.

Not so Great now, are we, Wayne?

If this league mattered, somebody on one of the two sides would have figure out that canning a season twice in less than five days is, generally, as ludicrous a business strategy as any that has come to pass.

Then again, this is the NHL.

This leaguc doesn’t matter, and those blind enough to believe it Bid were only tricking their minds as though they were Chevy Chase dreaming of an impossible hook up with Christie Brinkley in "National Lampoon’s Vacation."

Chevy never caught Christie, but he still has a better future than the NHL. Even Dwayne Schneider knew when enough was enough.

Walk on The Flip Side with Rob Rossi Monday-Saturday in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.