Mad World
The Love Boat vs. Fight Club
By Mark Madden

A dozen or so Minnesota Vikings staged an orgy at sea.

Seattle Seahawks safety Ken Hamlin was in the intensive care unit after helping initiate a street fight outside a nightclub, then getting his butt kicked.

The Vikings are terrible citizens. Pariahs. Targets of scorn.

Hamlin is somehow a victim.

Don't know about yinz, but I'd rather have my guys nailing hookers on boats than getting their heads caved in while indulging gangsta fantasies. I love sex; skull fractures, not so much. Yet there's talk about using the draconian Mann Act to prosecute the Vikings players for taking women across state lines for the purpose of prostitution. The Vikes imported tarts from hither and yon to sail on the "love boat."

The Mann Act was adopted in 1910 and was basically intended to keep black men from sleeping with white women. Didn't work then. Won't work now.

I hate to disappoint Steeler Nation, but this sort of thing happens with your heroes, too. Local saloons have a "private rooms" where lustful young athletes enjoy the company of willing bimbos; a house party in Hazelwood last season almost caught a few starters with their pants down.

There's not necessarily anything wrong with that. Romping with babes has long been a perk of fame. As long as no means no, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Magic Johnson aside, consensual sex never kept an athlete off the field of play. Can't really say the same for off-field violence.

Give the Vikings credit for doing it right, anyway. Combing the country for the sexiest and most adventurous prostitutes available reflects a combination of organization, evaluation and desire not seen since BLESTO was founded. The only faux pas was having insulted the local ladies of the night.

The Vikings pseudo-scandal is old hat, anyway. In the '90s, Dallas Cowboys players had a place nicknamed "The White House" specifically for carnal set-tos. You know why the general public gets so upset when athletes partake in sexual endeavors both risque and random?

Because they can and we can't.

At any rate, none of this should surprise us. We all watched "Playmakers."

More from the soap opera that is the NFL:

New England Patriots linebacker Tedy Bruschi suffered a stroke this past February, and it was generally assumed his career was over. Now Bruschi is back on the football field. Doctors say he's fine, but it's difficult to gauge Bruschi's actual risk because there's no precedent. No one has ever come back from a stroke to play in the NFL again.

Bruschi has three Super Bowl rings. He has money.

Given that, I can't imagine why he would want to put his family through the emotional roller coaster his return can't help but entail.

If Bruschi momentarily lies prone after a hit, his family will have its collective heart in its collective throat. Watching games will be torturous. Every time Bruschi goes down, his dearly beloved will wonder if he's going to stay down.

As for the Patriots, they had a mediocre start. Who cares? They should let someone else win this season. It would be less fascist.

I don't know if pursuing a third straight Super Bowl title justifies taking advantage of a man like Bruschi, exploiting his competitive instincts while putting his health at risk. The Patriots should be looking out for Bruschi, one of their finest warriors ever. Winning should be of secondary concern in this situation.

But it's not. It never is.

Mark Madden hosts a sports talk show 3-7 p.m. weekdays on ESPN Radio 1250.