Been There Wrote This
By John Mehno

Sidney Crosby had not yet registered for kindergarten the last time the Pirates had a winning season.

Yes, it's been a while. Failure to meet the most modest of expectations has claimed three managers, a couple of general managers and hundreds of players. Things haven't gotten better.

Some people are guided by the zodiac; the rest of us find wisdom in the plots of TV sitcoms. So the Pirates' desperate times call for the desperate measures adopted by one George Louis Costanza in a classic episode of "Seinfeld." It's time to ignore every instinct and do the exact opposite of what seems right. Think success comes from stockpiling pitching? Then draft a third baseman. If you believe that players should be nurtured through the farm system, it's time to start promoting 19-year-olds out of Class A. If the situation calls for a bunt, swing away. Your slowest man is on first base? Give him the steal sign. At least complete chaos is entertaining. If nothing else, it will cut down on those excruciatingly long-winded answers from Jim Tracy. Why did you do this or that, Jim? "Well, it seemed like the wrong thing to do." Perfect.

Give it a shot. It's not like things can get any worse. In other matters:
o Now that the Penguins are again a contender, the challenge has changed for general manager Ray Shero. He has to keep developing talent without the benefit of a lottery draft pick every year. Free agency only goes so far, especially with a salary cap that has to accommodate young stars.
o Admit it: You're going to miss the constant references to "Camp Cowher" at 5, 6 and 11.
o Steelers coach Mike Tomlin has chosen to live within the city limits. Has someone clued him in on that thing of using a kitchen chair to hold a parking spot?

John Mehno has been covering Pittsburgh sports since 1974. He can be reached at: johnmehno (at) lycos.com.