Naming Rights
Pets Are People Too
By Val Porter

Couples like my fiancé and I-who don't have children-have pets. Maybe the reason is we know we'd completely screw up a kid, or maybe pets are just easier… or maybe it's because you can lock a dog in a bedroom if he misbehaves when people come over. The authorities frown on that practice when it's a child.

But for whatever reason, we have two dogs. Riley is a shelter dog with an unknown background. I think she's the mutt offspring of two mutts. It's hard to figure out what she might be.

And we got another dog last spring. We think he's a Wheaten Terrier. We had been looking for a playmate for Riley, and he fit the bill perfectly: an older dog, neutered, and the two dogs get along great. He has some behavior issues, but I'll save that for another column. But when we picked him up, his name was Roscoe. We needed to change that, but to what? Buddy, Rover, Spot? No, no, no. We had to pick something much more personal; something that fit our personalities better. We both love hockey. Hmmm. How about…Geno? Yeah, that seemed to fit him and it's much easier to say than Evgeni when you're yelling at him for barking at the neighbors.

But we aren't the only people I know who have named their pets after athletes or other celebrities. Remember the HBO show "Sex And The City"? Charlotte named her Cavalier King Charles Spaniel after Elizabeth Taylor. My brother named his boxer Willie after the late Pirates star Willie Stargell. I spoke to someone today who has a friend that named his dog Kovy, after former Penguin and current Montreal Canadien Alexei Kovalev. The editor of this paper told me that his nieces were only allowed to get a second cat if their dad could name it… and he chose Roberto Clemente. (They call him Bobby). So it seems like a fairly common practice.

But what if you name your pet after an athlete that disappoints you, one that becomes a disgraced figure in the world of sports? I'd be willing to bet there are more than a few baseball fans who have named a dog after Roger Clemens. And there may be more than one Pete (Rose) doing his business in the back yard. And how about Tyson? There has to be a tough dog somewhere named Tyson. Even though someone would have to be out of their mind to name their dog Tonya (Harding), I'm sure they were crushed to see how she turned out. Although I heard a while back that she was making a comeback as a boxer. Maybe that career will turn out to be a better choice for her. I have a friend who has a cat named Curtis. I'm not sure why his name is Curtis, but I think that's the coolest name ever for a cat.

We love both our dogs, Riley and Geno. Even though I'm pretty sure the way Geno the dog listens sometimes, he doesn't speak English either.